Recession Survival Tips

Social Connections and Positive Psychology during Hard Times by Acacia Parks Sheiner

It may seem like a no-brainer, but there are mountains of studies out there that confirm the idea that social relationships are a very important component of happiness. This works out surprisingly well if you want to be happier during a time when there isn’t a lot of money around; in the absence of the expensive things we used to be able to do to distract ourselves, like go out to the movies or buy a shiny new video game, we can actually spend time with other people. And it’s a good thing, because as it turns out, building our relationships is one of the best things you can possibly do to become happier.

So, how, specifically do we improve our relationships? I’ve talked a little bit about how practicing gratitude can improve social connections, but there are also empirically-driven ways to improve relationships directly. One great example is a technique called Active-Constructive Responding. Here’s how it works. Stop for a minute and imagine a scenario where you just received some excellent news. Let’s say you got a promotion. Now think: who’s the first person you want to tell? Is it Person A, who shrieks with excitement and draws out every detail of your victory, relishing the high points and prolonging your euphoria? Or is it Person B, who feels obligated to remind you that a promotion means more responsibilities, more hours, and less time to spend with them? For most people, it’s Person A; when you burst into the room with excitement and tell someone your good news, the last thing you want is for them to rain on your parade. Research by Shelly Gable backs this up empirically: people want you to get excited when they are excited, and if, in that pivotal moment, you get sidetracked on the negative aspects of their victory, it damages your relationship. A lot. In fact, in one study, couples who urged each other to be cautious and to find the “dark lining” in their good news were more likely to have broken up a few months later than were couples who responded positively to each others’ good news.

We don’t know for certain whether Active-Constructive Responding is a teachable skill that, if used, can improve relationships, or if active-constructive responses are merely a byproduct of relationships that are good for other reasons (or, perhaps, both). However, we do know what constitutes an Active and Constructive response to good news, and we do know that this kind of a response is a hallmark of successful relationships.